Category Archives: Filth

General stuff

Trying to Be Helpful #1

I search the internet and find that people have posted generous answers to the many mundane questions I have. How nice. I want to be one of those people. So I am going to try to be helpful too, and also offer free business tips.
Here is my first business idea I want to put out there: Professional Warming Services.
Now I do not claim to be great at warming or toasting, but I know that, on rare occasions, when I heat up my Trader Joes 99% Fat Free Bean Burrito, it tastes magical. For this I might start with 3 minutes in the microwave on high, followed by 12 minutes in the toaster oven at 450 f, and then (and it is very important) a proper cool-down time.
Now let’s be honest, I rarely do that. I rarely have that degree of focus and patience. After all, the reason you bought the bean burrito was for convenience.
But what if there was a service, embedded here at my workplace, that would offer me, for small fee, a perfectly toasted Trader Joe’s bean burrito every single day. That would have value!
Or perhaps it could be a mobile warming and toasting service that would come to a business place in an well-equipped van And Prepare everybody’s frozen lunches to exact specifications. Wouldn’t that be great!
So this is my first free business idea that I offer to the Internet, And I promise that if I see it fully realized by somebody or anybody, I will have no resentments …and ask for no credit or recognition for their success. Thank you in advance …I mean you’re welcome in advance!

thanks to the o.p.

What’s more annoying?

Making your own coffee in a public space or doing your yoga routine in a public space because I just did the former and I’m about to do the latter. 

Charles Berkeley 

I am seated at Berkeley Bowl cafe. I believe that you could walk in here with a spiked dog collar around your neck and a leash dangling from it and still be quite radical. Or a hawk-mo. Or a fresh facial wound. There was a time when some young people dressed like nuts. It could be shocking. It actually seems amazingly easy to be shocking now. Unless you’re homeless because that kind of radical living shocks nobody now. 

 I dropped my son off at his private progressive elementary school in Berkeley. It was art day. There was kids art in all the rooms. It was all full of progressive ideas i.e. Trite and boring. Everyone was copying each other. Except when they weren’t. Like when they made clay masks but there was that one blobby mask with no eyes and no mouth and not face. Or when there where the portraits with flowers and birds, except that one with son many extra eyes and such sharp weird teeth. My sons bird sculpture in clay was all blotchy and looked like a pterodactyl. He mixed every color together for the glaze. It was not cute, and I was so proud of him. That little Freak!

I walked to my car and nearly every house, I kid you not, had “free” things to give away to passers by. Basically crap, that the homeowners ( of what are now million dollar 900 sq foot cottages) feel are useful their community. Like worn down toe shoes. An Afro comb. A tiny microwave that’s like $30 at Walmart. And 2 biographies of Charles Barkley. Now those Kind of struck me funny … And oddly radical. How different! Read Charles Barkley biographies. Woah. People do that! I feel encouraged. I like diversity. And Good for them too. 

Resist!